The1stdrop’s Weblog

The psychodelic mind and the psychedelic mind have always been interdepentdent; we must see both people and objects for how they are represented, and of what value they are to both inside and outside of us.

Imagine feeling an unshakable grip to what may seem like a never ending cycle of neurotic embroiled frustrations, and rapid, short lived soothing reliefs. As soon as you feel relived from one anxiety, you get taken over by another one. Thus resulting into what may seem like a never ending course of anxiety and relief.  That certain compulsion or obsession to fix, clean, or go check something over and over again can’t really be explained, even when confronted with the kindest of intentions. There’s a disorder that many people can relate with; it may intrude on daily routines along with life styles; this disorder is known as: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

There are three different types of O.C.Ds that I can personally relate with on a day to day basis. Whether I’m home, at work, or out with friends I run into one of these three neurotic, intrusive frustrations that I simply just can’t help. I always find myself in one of these three obsessions of either making sure that certain things are arranged in a way I see fit, checking that the door is locked, and making sure that everything is clean or at least wiped down.

Right before I get in my car to leave the house, I always find myself going back to check if I locked the door, forgot anything that I might need, or even shut off the lights that I can’t see from outside of the house. Those are just some examples of my checking obsessions. This always makes me feel held back. Instead of following through with an action, I have to repeat something once or even twice before I get to step two. I often get into stupid little rituals commonly requiring more thought, effort, and time than the routines of which they serve a purpose for.

As a Deli-Clerk there’s an uncountable amount of times I find myself wiping down all the slicers when I get the chance to. Not to brag, but I’m the only one that seems to keep tabs on cleanliness for my shifts as much as I do and when I see others clean, it makes me really happy inside. I’m sure that my co-workers don’t mind this, but I’m pretty sure that they certainly don’t find it normal to care about their crummy minimum wage part time job as much as I do. Truth is I really don’t care, but I just can’t help it. I just feel that strange compulsion to clean. With an orange bottle of sanitizer in one hand, and a fresh white rag in the other, you’ll find me cleaning away.

Organization is hands down the most neurotic impulse that I act upon, and the most frequent. Everything must be just so, having a place, and being especially neat being as my prime thoughts. Tetris is the name of the game here, and it’s a game that you can’t simply just turn off, save your status in, or pause. Feeling as if this would be a never ending cycle, on a bad day when feeling that everything is out of place, I start to feel uncomfortable and get somewhat neurotic. I start organizing and cleaning until everything is just right. Having a particular way my clothing is laid out is not as important, but at the same time is a must. ‘Fixing’ a layout for magazines, papers, or any other object(s) that I find just sitting on a surface are caused by those compelling thoughts of its ‘need’ to be moved which come to mind instantly. Those feelings and thoughts are quite simply and plainly ‘unavoidable.’

There’s a disorder that many people can relate with; it may intrude on daily routines along with life styles; this disorder is known as: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Imagine living in a world of constant, rapid, never ending mental frustrations and relives. This is what many people live with already, whether they realize it or not. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can leave people to be sometimes very self conscience depending on the degree and type. Everyone is different, relating more to one category than others, but may also have a hard time describing what it’s like when confronted with questions even with the kindest of intentions. It’s something that slowly but surly takes over your life without even realizing it, and without treatment can be a nightmare.

Our buildings have fallen, and walls are caved in, but the spirits of which of whom have built them rise higher than ever before. The trade towers, the pentagon along with the entirety of what we have built is just a representation of what we are made of. Ignorant acts of aggression, rebellion, and war would without question, not fit under any square inch of our foundation. Further more, you would not fit as an obstacle; you will never be an obstacle to divert in our minds, hearts and spirits that create the massive force to reach our hopes, dreams, and goals. Ultimately in this case, leading to justice.

We in return, are fighting fire with fire, with you, the ignorant malefactor, the monster that couldn’t resist trampling all over us and watching us beg for our lives. You have ignited a spark that will cease ever diminish. You are in fact the blind leading the blind, because it’s eye for an eye to be taken in your so called ‘life.’ With the your wishing of having us to just beg for our lives and surrender one by one. Having respected your ’cause,’ ‘god,’ and ‘way of life’ will just not happen. What we say to you, the ones who speak in broken english is this:

“Push us down, and we’ll get right back up again!”

What did you want us to think and feel on that day? As if we have no choice; to forget about a future; make us think that we have to change our life style, leaving the American dream because of your blatant, and apparently untamed ignorance. So is this what you wanted? Is this what you tried to tell us by taking those planes filled with innocent people, and crashing into our buildings? Well I must let you know, the things you’re telling me aren’t making any sense, but just showing that you are our enemy and that you will pay dearly.

The time has passed where we couldn’t comprehend the sad state that we were in, but now, sure as anything of what we must do to bring back our lives of what we once had. Had sifted through the ashes of what we’ve become; we have found that we are a family, a family of all races; we put aside the fighting of whatever we might disagree on for another day.

You will never know the things that keep us down and to be quite frank, you have failed incalculably.

There is a vast difference between the young generation and the older generation’s point of view on many different subjects. Though there are too many to describe, or even able to describe. Two common subjects that have a major difference between the young and the old are, technology and the way television shows are composed. As each generation passes times change; our culture, moral value, and the way point of views are projected also alter either for better or for worse.

Technology has been a tremendous part of our lives; it has evolved through generation to generation, and in today’s world, we can barley live without it. The older generation of some people that I have known claim that they can barley keep up with the times of computers, mp3 players, and cell phones. These are some of the most common used creations of technology. Even one of my customers at my job has said that

“Technology is so confusing now a days, I can barely keep up with it; it’s like ZIP ZAP ZOOP, done! I just don’t get it.”

 In a nutshell, the culture and moral value of the older generation toward technology is narrow in willingness to adapt using it more so just as a tool.

The younger generation has grown adaptive to keep up with technology as is evolves. As a result, with this constant up keep of pace, we become dependant on it no matter how complex it gets, thus making our own lives a little more complex. As apart of this generation, I can say that we have grown up with it for all of our lives.  Our culter and moral value toward technology broadens as time goes on, finding more uses for it as opposed to than just as a ‘tool.’

The compositions of television shows have certainly evolved though the generations. The older generation from black and white silent movies and slap stick comedy styles to the ‘loud mouth comics’ or maybe better known as ‘wise crack comedy.’ Who could forget the great classics of Charlie Chaplin, one of the men that made slap stick comedy popular? Further more, The Three Stooges of which whom made the wise cracks of televised comedy famous as well. People from the older generations have grown up with this culture and moral-valued taste for humor.

The younger generation has obviously grown up with television shows, but a much more evolved taste on how youth might see humor. Television shows of today being so fast paced in dialogue, the older generation might have trouble understanding what’s going on in the show; composed for younger kids that are growing up and adapting to its style. The growing violence in the newer cartoons being composed in a ‘humorous’ way shows the youth of today what ‘funny’ is; as a result, our culture and moral value towards cartoons is almost polar opposite to the older generation.

As each generation passes, times change; our culture, moral value, and the way point of views are projected also alter either for better or for worse. There is a vast difference between the young generation and the older generation’s point of view on many different subjects. Technology and the way television shows are composed share some common ground that each generation can relate to in some way or another. However they are both interpreted from very opposite culture and moral value upbringings.

Religion is a difficult word to describe; a commonly used word that seems to have brought some people into a haziness of the theory that higher being(s) exist. As an outsider to this whole spectrum of religion I can’t just fall into this mainstream of picking a god, or believing in that there is something truly divine. I’m sure that the people who feel the need to commit themselves to a god, any god that they might pick have reasons behind their choice; I though, have no reason to commit my self to anything, and be another labled follower of what may be called a ‘higher power.’

With all the religions around the world, there comes a bulk of theories, and rules attached with each one. I see them all, at the core coming together of one common ground and that is: peace and order. Our own basic laws from the federal and state system’s boil down to maintaining a humane society and previnting crime. Both terms from each side of the fence mean the same thing but yet, are interpreted from two completely different stand points.

Had been exposed to the theory and culture of religion through attempted practices through church, I was raised by a Catholic/Christian family. Even I have this haziness of whether something truly divine really exists or not, I can’t just seem to pick a god, any god and go commit my self to that certain spectrum of faith that is attached. Surrounded with even with a choice few family’s and friends that follow their own practice, I find myself unsure of how I should go about discussion when the subject is brought up. Though, I see myself as an outsider to the general religious outlook on life, I have never felt the need to have a path drawn out for me, or commit myself to a certain ‘divine faith.’ I believe that what you make of life is in fact your life, and how you might affect or change others lives.

Picking any certain religion that fits one’s views best a key reason may be that we as people all need something to believe in. We all want to live for something, looking forward to what’s to come; it’s how we survive, and how we survive is what makes us who we are. Taking these thoughts and actions that we don’t even think about seeing how it just comes as basic instinct; expanding them into something that is much deeper; thinking that there is something more to life.

Thirsting for peace and change, I believe that you don’t have to pray to any divine spirit that might exist in order for either one to happen. Furthermore I belive that you shouldn’t have to commit yourself to a certain based faith. Reaching in your pocket for change, and see what you come out with; it can start with what you already have inside you, maybe a small amount at first, but overtime growing. It just depends on how much you are willing to give. If the saying “I wish” diminished, and more of the saying “I will” came to mind more then we could believe more in ourselves rather than believing in something to change the bad times in to good for us.

We might think that things happen for a reason. I do believe this as well, but in my plain view of life what I see is that “we’re given a heart, a brain, and a means to cognitively get through [the moments that are tough; making you think about how you should abide by a certain choice guideline. When instead you should rather just be living and enjoying life; no right answer to life exists; we all make mistakes, we learn from them, and improve ourselves.] There are no set guidelines as to how you’re supposed to live, no ultimate happiness, and no paramount tragedy. There are just these series of moments that write your life story for you, that answer your questions and that motivate you to keep on living.” – Janine Riopel

As an outsider to this whole spectrum of religion I can’t just fall into this main stream of picking a god, or believing that there is something truly divine. Religion, it’s a difficult word to describe; the complex theory that has brought some people into a haziness of the theory that higher being(s) exist, but yet still follow the written word of that certain choice lord. Also, a commonly used life style to bring people into a pre-made work of peace and love that we should all abide by. It  Though I was taught by the Catholic/Christian church by its own word, it is not how I brought up myself. I have never felt like I need to have a path drawn out for me, or commit myself to a certain divine faith. I have nothing stuck to me such as a label or brand saying what I am and how I should live, but instead I would rather just live.

If we really want to promote moral value, let’s talk about making health care a basic right, ensuring children don’t go hungry, and providing equal access to a quality education.  Let’s talk about solving the global warming problem so we don’t have to look for a new planet when the ice caps melt.  Let’s talk about the fact that we’re running up debt faster than Bill Bennet at a Vegas craps table-and sticking our grandchildren with the bill, and how about avoiding war at all costs instead of launching bogus, faith-based crusades we can’t win?  I don’t know about you, but I think those moral failings pose a greater threat to our way of life than the prospect of two middle-aged dudes filing a joint tax return.

The Iraq war: one of the greatest strategic attempts to eliminate terrorism once and for all. We are liberating a country that is in dire need of being united because of religious warfare for practically all of its lifetime. I can see why people would think that this war might be one of the greatest things America has ever done. The majority of claims that people from government have made about Iraq to the public have been quite strategic to sound genuine, insistent, and reassuring. Such claims on the alleged weapons of mass destruction that we never even found, to the mass amount of supposed Al Qaeda ties have been the one of the many reasoning’s of attack, aside from 9/11. The promise that we would be greeted as liberators to help spread democracy has brought this country into false hope. I am open-minded about all of these thoughts, and if I believed everything that I was told by the government, I would be for the war too. The Iraq war has been the worst strategic disaster in United States History.

Our country is being defeated by the Al Qaeda terrorists, and there are groups of people including our own president, George W. Bush, who thinks that we have to fight them in their homeland, so we don’t have to face the terrorists in our own streets. That may be true if we were fighting the actual target. Our real enemy is Al Qaeda, and Al Qaeda is a minute player, at best, in Iraq. This war consists of Sunnis, Shiites, Warlords, Foreign Terrorists, Militias, and exploding freelance Anarchists. Al Qaeda, meanwhile, roams freely elsewhere in the world.

The American military remains caught in the middle of a civil war trying to “eliminate” terrorism, while threats gather elsewhere around the world. Furthermore, this war was not even in our own country to begin with. It has made the global threat of terror even worse. We are trying to help the civilians of Iraq by eliminating terrorists, but it’s almost safe to say that it is impossible to win against guerilla warfare, which is how the terrorists of Iraq and the Middle East are used to fighting.

Guerilla warfare even existed during the American Revolution; that is how we won against the British. Back then, the groups were united, and it was very clear to see what side your country was on. In addition, both sides of the war also had uniforms. In Iraq there is constant guerilla warfare. There are only uniforms on our side, so there is no way to truly know who your enemy is.

We are in Iraq to “liberate” and “promote democracy” and our presence there is sought to bring order. We are brought to the impression that Iraq will explode into chaos if we leave. Quite the contrary, Iraq was brought to chaos prior to the airstrikes and before we started sending in ground troops. Our presence there is not beneficial. Our liberation and democracy is not working while more violence is occurring. The sooner we leave Iraq, the sooner soldiers will stop dying, and less money will be wasted on a mistake.

Each year as time passes us by we throw our hard earned money into our national deficit which can be compared to a tab at a bar that keeps inflating after each drink order. We waste $8,000,000,000 every month on something that is damaging to our lives, whether we support the war or not. By charging this amount on the bill each month, we’ll end up sticking our children and our grandchildren with the bill, which is corrupt.

The Iraq war has been the worst strategic disaster in United States History. We have been promised to be greeted as liberators; to be the helping hand to spread democracy. The promise of a bright future has brought this country into a grave false hope; we the people may strike this fantasy down. The fear of facing the terrorists in our own streets, uncertainty of Iraq exploding into chaos if we leave, and alarm of our country being defeated by the Al Qaeda terrorists may be laid to rest. This war is has gone on long enough; it must come to an end now for the good our own country and the world.

Sometimes we pass by it at a glance; sometimes it would stop us right in our tracks. During the course of our daily routines, out of the blue, we witness or encounter moments that would give us upliftment to help see things in a different perspective. Even the most casual occurrence can change your whole mood or day around. We normally wouldn’t stop and see what is going on around us just wanting to continue in our point A to point B lives. 

This lifestyle is no stranger to me either. During a fall semester of college, I was working full time at a pharmaceutical plant named Saint-Gobain Performance Plastics in Taunton, MA. I was also attending night school taking three classes (which each class was three hours long.) I was practically living off Rock Star drinks. As a result of this life style, I would be so strung out on caffeine by Friday. I would look forward to my Acoma like rest for the weekend until Monday morning came again.

September 12th was a very significant day. I was off to Dartmouth to pay my cell phone bill after work. As I was pulling into the parking lot, I saw this old white beat up Cadillac convertible that was somewhat in need of some body work. There were a few rust spots along the back bumper, and the paint was pretty faded. I saw that there was an empty parking spot right next to the Cadillac, which was also right in front of the building entrance. In somewhat of a rush, I pulled up and got out of the car. I looked over and noticed an old man sitting in the driver’s seat. At a glance, he looked pretty laid back. I waved and said “Hello” to him. After about a half hour or more worth of waiting since there was a long line, I finally took care of my bill. Relieved that I was finally out of the building, I was surprised to find that the old man was still there sitting in his Cadillac convertible.

This time, he waved to me. On the way into my car we engaged in conversation. This situation stopped me dead in my tracks. 

“Hey, my name is Scott.”

“I’m Jim.” 

Jim was wearing a dark red button down shirt. The material also seemed to have a somewhat silky feel to it. He was also wearing a hat with a graphic of a Navy destroyer ship stitched onto it. Right above the Navy Destroyer was a phrase, “Tin Can.” This hat of his told me that he must have served in the Navy. The hat itself seemed old and rustic, but yet it looked in pretty good condition. His right arm was over the passenger seat head rest seeming in a completely relaxed state. His left arm was ever so carelessly hanging right over the driver side door. His overall appearance gave me an impression that he is satisfied with his life.

As Jim and I were talking I was wondering to myself when the appropriate time was to leave. I was tempted to say, “All right I have to get going, nice talking to you though.” 

Like in perpetual motion my thoughts wouldn’t focus. A blur is all that I could see while still trying to actually pay attention to Jim. I guess it was just my nature, or just me in a rush, or at least thinking that I was. Slowly but surely, I loosened up. And there in that moment, like an eye of a storm, it all came clear to me. I was really rushing for no reason, so I stepped out of my comfort zone and continued our conversation.

We had talked about my job, while still managing to attend school. I was trying to satisfy all the needs in my life at once. He told me that I reminded him of when he was my age; he was very ambitious when he was young. I mentioned to him how I somewhat disliked the place I worked, but I saw it as opportunity to get out my previous minimum wage job as a Deli-Clerk.  He basically told me that if this is really what I want then I have to live my life and have an optimistic appeal about it.

Seeing on how I was kind of down, he gave me some advice. He told me that in order be happy I need to love what I do; keeping my head up through the good and the bad. Jim has also taught me that day, too. As an example, seeing the good in people even if a feeling of dislikement dwells will help with ignoring things that would normally cause you tension.

During the course of our daily routines, out of the blue, we witness or encounter moments that would give us upliftment to help see things in a different perspective. For example, even after a horrible day, I drove away rather inspired. I was uplifted. It was like something out of a movie, but it was real, and I want to remember it for as long as I can. We normally wouldn’t stop to see what’s going on around us; wanting to just continue in our point A to point B lives. In the same manner as time goes on, we simply count the days that we have made our lives into another routine.